I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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