smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
