Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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