Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
