I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she smelled like a LAN party
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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