Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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