He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
