My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize