At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm at about main and main street
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize