Sponge bath it is.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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