i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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