I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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