do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
