I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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