Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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