Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
