The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
