So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
