I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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