Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize