Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
