Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize