you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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