ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
