Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
