woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
