how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
smell my finger.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Your penis caused this!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
