Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize