I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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