He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
