I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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