and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
