The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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