i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
