at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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