I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
