I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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