Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
