Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
