remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
