i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
