God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
