laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
