Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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