so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
