WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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