Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
