I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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