There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
