My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
