"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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