Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
