If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
