I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
