if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
