I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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