you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
