I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
