I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
