honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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